1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:02,103 Previously on 2 Broke Girls... 2 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:05,639 The hurricane is headed right for Williamsburg. 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,808 Fedoras are blowing down the streets, 4 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,510 craft beers are spilling everywhere, 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,546 and indie bands are cancelling practice. 6 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,252 This explains why Randy isn't here yet. 7 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,121 He's probably stuck in the store. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:23,124 He's not answering and it's going straight to voicemail. 9 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,059 He probably blocked you. 10 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,528 We're really broken up. 11 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,130 Let's go hug our dessert bar. 12 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,399 It was probably so scared. 13 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,734 Oh, my God, Max. 14 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,270 Our dessert bar is destroyed. 15 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,140 I think we have to finally admit it to ourselves. 16 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,541 Ugh, we're cursed. 17 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,545 Yeah, this is personal. 18 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,715 Come on, when that gypsy pointed at me in first grade 19 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,551 and said, "Biggus Boobus," that was a curse. 20 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,620 I'm sure we weren't the only business 21 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,854 that was ruined by the storm. 22 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,556 We're not cursed. 23 00:00:56,724 --> 00:01:00,761 Yeah, now it's starting to burn. 24 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:04,165 Well, I am choosing to take this disaster as a sign. 25 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,500 It's not like we don't have insurance. 26 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,302 And while they're rebuilding this place, 27 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:11,372 I'm gonna go surprise Randy and try to rebuild us. 28 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,307 You see the parallels? 29 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:16,110 You get it. She gets it. 30 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,179 Girls, did you hear? 31 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,748 Turns out only one business in the entire area 32 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,383 was affected by the storm. 33 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,452 I wonder which one-- 34 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,188 Oh. 35 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,524 File this under "Story For Another Time"? 36 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,599 Biggus Boobus! 37 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,146 Ugh, I don't believe this! 38 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,881 All the airports are more shut down 39 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,616 than I am emotionally. 40 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,219 Earl, have you had any luck with any busses or trains? 41 00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,553 I'm on it. 42 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:02,623 What button do I push for the Internet? 43 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,425 I just talked to the insurance company. 44 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,427 They're gonna pay for all our repairs. 45 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,761 And they gave me some extra money 46 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,763 'cause I told them we were pregnant. 47 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,500 Can we please focus on how I'm gonna get to L.A.? 48 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,635 I have low self-esteem and a well-viewed sex tape. 49 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,904 I should be there already! 50 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,640 Max, I'm gonna try to put this delicately. 51 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:23,277 You're acting like a cray-cray psycho stalker. 52 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,578 I am not a stalker. 53 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,180 I'm the one that gets stalked. 54 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,815 That reminds me, I should probably tell Gary 55 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,183 I'm going out of town. 56 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,784 Oh, he knows. 57 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,721 He left a bon voyage dookie on our welcome mat this morning. 58 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,390 But the card was sweet. 59 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,459 Well, then as your best friend, 60 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,928 I am going with you to make sure you're okay. 61 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,830 You know, Randy did give me an airline voucher 62 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,832 when I ruined our relationship the first time. 63 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,534 I could probably get two tickets for that, 64 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,669 so I could put my feet up. 65 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,838 Or I guess you could come. 66 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,407 If I'm the wing-lady on your stalking mission, 67 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,809 I'm gonna go ahead and call this a vacation. 68 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,678 Wow, that's sad. 69 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,481 All right, I'm almost on the Internet. 70 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,416 Does anybody know my password? 71 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,951 It's "Earl." 72 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:07,588 Oh, right, my first dog's name. 73 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,892 Hey, everybody! 74 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,830 I just got in a fight with one of Barbara's friends 75 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,699 in the IKEA ball pit. 76 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,702 Yeah, if you're gonna bring meatballs in there, 77 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,971 you gotta bring some for everybody. 78 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,007 Yeah, there's never enough meatballs in a ball pit. 79 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,477 Earl, how we doing on our trip to L.A.? 80 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,445 Well, the rental cars are rented out, 81 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:34,448 trains are down, and no flights till Tuesday. 82 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:37,351 And I got a message from emoji. Who's emoji? 83 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,855 Hey, why don't you two just road trip it? 84 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,392 You know, throw a cooler of beer 85 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:47,861 with pulled pork in the trunk and just go, baby. 86 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,264 I would do the same if I didn't have 87 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,666 that giant breastfeeding baby. 88 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,502 I'm talking about Oleg. 89 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,739 May I suggest the Toyota Yaris I sold to Han? 90 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,474 It's efficient on gas, 91 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,277 and the trunk can't be unlocked from the inside. 92 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,746 Oh, no! You're not taking my car. 93 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,781 It's my turn to drive my quilting group 94 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,550 to the farmers' market. 95 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,785 Han, we can do this the hard way 96 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,954 where you don't give me the keys and I give you a wedgie, 97 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,056 or the easy way where you do give me the keys 98 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,359 and I give you a slightly less intense wedgie. 99 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,761 The keys are in my office, but you're not-- 100 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,764 Oh, dear, I've said too much. 101 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,566 Who do you see winning this one? 102 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,901 And you should know, Max keeps a pocket full of sand 103 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,438 for these kinda things. 104 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,640 Jingle-jangle, bitches! 105 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,676 You should be fired for what happened back there. 106 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,512 Bathing suit areas are off limits. 107 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,448 Fine, use my car, 108 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,082 but I'm going to be driving it. 109 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,917 I'm coming with you. 110 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,787 I finally got the gas pedal extension where I like it. 111 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,922 But who's gonna run the diner? 112 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:53,394 FYI, I managed a pretty successful jerk shack for years. 113 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,095 Ew, Oleg. 114 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,064 What? Get your mind out of the gutter. 115 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,099 We sold Jamaican-style chicken. 116 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:03,070 As a front for full-release massages. 117 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:06,474 Y'all, what was my first dog's name again? 118 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,709 -Earl. -What? 119 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:12,613 I guess my only options here are Oleg and Earl. 120 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,816 Woof, real Murderers' Row. 121 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,585 Who are you gonna have waitress? 122 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,353 'Cause you know they'll have to match 123 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:22,556 the extremely low bar set by my associate and myself. 124 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,724 Ohh! 125 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,726 Oh, can I do it? 126 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,695 Oh, who am I kidding? 127 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,763 Or course I can! 128 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:33,967 I actually used to be a waitress at Pooters. 129 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,703 You mean Hooters? 130 00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:38,439 No, it was Poland's version. 131 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,742 Yeah, all the waitresses were bottomless. 132 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,445 I'm hoping there were a lot of hairnets involved. 133 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,514 Oh, you'd think so. 134 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,853 Han, I'd say you drive like a little old lady, 135 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,855 but three of them just passed us. 136 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,991 I had more fun driving my bitchy friend Neil 137 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,461 to get his blisters drained. 138 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,029 Also, what's the strategy here? 139 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,864 We've been driving for hours. 140 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,999 Well, once we find an open airport, 141 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,636 we'll fly to L.A., where Max will surprise Randy, 142 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,771 and she'll be all, "Ahhh," 143 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:14,007 and he'll be all, "Ahhh." 144 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:17,144 First of all, great Randy impression. 145 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,748 I almost gave you a little "Wahhh." 146 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,483 You girls have less of a game plan 147 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,052 than any season of American Horror Story. 148 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,755 Well, who really needs a game plan anyway? 149 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,157 I'm on vacation, baby. 150 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,626 See? Didn't even tear up that time. 151 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,562 What's with these snacks? 152 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,763 Vegetables? 153 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,699 Are you on that bunny diet again? 154 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,901 No, I gained weight on that somehow. 155 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:44,772 Han, there's a lot of Goo Goo Dolls here. 156 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:48,041 Live Goo. Wow. 157 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,177 I'm taking music criticism 158 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,913 from a proud member of the Juggalo nation? 159 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,582 Hand me a radish. 160 00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,521 I mean, how long are you supposed to chew a radish? 161 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:01,922 Forever? 162 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,792 Can I interest anyone in a side trip 163 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,059 to Pine Creek Gorge? 164 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,795 If you love the Grand Canyon, 165 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,931 you'll think Pine Creek Gorge is pretty good. 166 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:15,135 Oh, my seasonal gourd. 167 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:18,572 Look at Randy's Snapchat story. 168 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,073 This movie's got such a large budget, 169 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,742 they even got the lawyer is own trailer. 170 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,677 Oh! Scratch that. 171 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,748 I'm sharing it with a very large scorpion. 172 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,618 You're jealous of a scorpion now? 173 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,752 That's where we're at? 174 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,086 No! 175 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,489 There's a finger on Randy's shoulder. 176 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,957 A woman's finger. 177 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,859 Manicured nail, no wedding ring. 178 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,694 How dare she? 179 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:43,263 Yea nor nay on Pine Creek Gorge? 180 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,732 The exit's in three miles, 181 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:47,000 and I should start changing lanes. 182 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,969 So that's a maybe? 183 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,505 I gotta finger this out! 184 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:54,107 Ugh, why can't you zoom in on a video? 185 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,776 I know we have the technology. 186 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,277 It was used against me 187 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:01,048 in the case of Bass Pro Shops versus Max Black. 188 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,717 Ugh, I think there's a pit in my fig. 189 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,018 That's a prune, 190 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,720 and I'd pace yourself. 191 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,289 Caroline, could you call the diner and check in? 192 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,592 I've been getting the machine all day, 193 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,261 and I gotta make sure Oleg isn't shooting a porno there. 194 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,796 Oh, he didn't get the funding. 195 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,031 His Kinkstarter campaign fizzled out. 196 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,270 There, the phone is unplugged. 197 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,640 Good luck calling the police now, table two. 198 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,809 Wow, you unplugged that phone 199 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,178 faster than we unplugged my Aunt Esther. 200 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:34,081 She was a mean lady. 201 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,818 Sophie, ready to re-enter the workforce? 202 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,621 I'm ready. 203 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:44,324 The question is, are you ready? 204 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:48,295 And the answer is no, I am not. 205 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,631 Hey, everybody! 206 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,100 Can I take your order? 207 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,303 Miss, sparkling or still? 208 00:08:56,336 --> 00:09:00,207 How's everything tasting? 209 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:06,980 Mmmbop, ba duba dop 210 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,717 Ba du bop, ba duba 211 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,986 Ba dup bop, ba du, yeah 212 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,222 Mmmbop, ba 213 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,257 I wish you guys would win American Idol 214 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,693 so I'd never have to hear from you ever again. 215 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,829 Oh, come on, Max. Listen up. 216 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,665 What's a road trip without a sing-along? 217 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,600 I don't know, tolerable. 218 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,670 Now let's talk about something everyone's interested in. 219 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,605 I screen-grabbed Randy's video, 220 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:32,973 which enabled me to zoom in. 221 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,742 And upon zooming, I realized that-- 222 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,276 You're going crazy? 223 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,680 Max, seriously, maybe we should go back home. 224 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,081 Randy blocked you. 225 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,016 You have to expect there might be a new finger 226 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,151 in his life. 227 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,019 I am not going crazy. 228 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,955 I'm merely scouring the World Wide Web 229 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,257 for female friends of Randy who are tagged in a photo of him 230 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,859 with their index fingers cropped out. 231 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,694 That way I can piece the two photos together 232 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,362 jigsaw style to get the answers I deserve, 233 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,131 and oh, my God, I think I'm having a breakdown. 234 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,900 She's not the only one. 235 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,005 Please tell me that was Caroline's prunes kicking in. 236 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,246 I can't believe we're broken down in the middle of nowhere. 237 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,283 Amanda Knox had a better vacation than this. 238 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,986 We have to start walking. Leave that suitcase here. 239 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,253 What did you pack in there, 240 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,723 one of your long-winded anecdotes? 241 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,991 Funny story actually. 242 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,659 I was going through my sweaters, 243 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,327 and I realized that when I was 14-- 244 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,730 Hold that thought forever. 245 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:33,767 Now you wanna find a finger, you gotta use a finger. 246 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,269 Max, no! We can't hitchhike. 247 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,271 What if some psycho picks us up? 248 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,942 Really, who wouldn't want to wear this skin? 249 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,745 I think the problem is the transmission. 250 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:47,147 There is none. 251 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,751 I hitchhiked all the time in school. 252 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,319 Nothing bad ever happened. 253 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,888 I did spend a year locked in a guy's shed once, 254 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,323 but that was mutual. 255 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:59,026 I'll tell you what I told my prom date, 256 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,427 put that finger away. 257 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,696 I thought your prom date was gay. 258 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,866 He was. He was doing a lot of this. 259 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,777 Oh, good, tinted windows 260 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,047 for a more private murdering experience. 261 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,183 Um, this thing is smoking more than my grandma 262 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,853 at the Bingo finals. 263 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,921 You girls stuck? 264 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,958 I think "stagnant" is a better word for us. 265 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:34,795 Name's Becky. With the good hair. 266 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,197 Y'all need a ride? 267 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,400 Thanks. We're going west, Fievel style. 268 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:43,203 If you could take us somewhere with outgoing flights. 269 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,805 I can drive if you want. 270 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,407 I used to do it for a Colombian drug lor-- 271 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,242 Frito-Lay. 272 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,211 I can get you all the way to Missouri, 273 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,380 home to street violence and a large percentage 274 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,149 of America's OxyContin epidemic. 275 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:59,853 Great, and, Max, at least you'll know people. 276 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:03,423 Oh, good, we got a ride, 'cause that car is deader 277 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,958 than the conversation 278 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,160 at the Jolie-Pitt Thanksgiving this year. 279 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,529 Oh, sorry, you girls can come, 280 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,099 but I don't let strange men into my cab. 281 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,968 Oh, I can vouch for Han. He's not a man. 282 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,370 It's okay, girls. Go ahead without me. 283 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,239 I'll just call AAA. 284 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,141 Cool. Later, hater. 285 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,844 Wait! 286 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,278 You're really leaving? 287 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,380 Who leaves someone on the side of the road 288 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,917 in the middle of nowhere? 289 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,751 You're not people! 290 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,259 Excuse me, Miss? 291 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,162 Oh, not you again. 292 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,531 Listen, don't eat this. 293 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:48,869 I ordered a steak, and this is a dirty washcloth. 294 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,237 You want me to heat it up? 295 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,407 I mean, why am I always getting you stuff? 296 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,077 How come you're not scratching my back? 297 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,448 See how I told him off? 298 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,284 You know, just like Max does, right girl? 299 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,887 Why are you calling me girl? 300 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,221 I'm calling you a woman. 301 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,357 You like, like the girls do with Han, 302 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,325 only he takes it. 303 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,162 I mean, I wasn't expecting all this. 304 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,329 Well, neither was I. 305 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,131 This is supposed to be my nap time. 306 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:21,902 This is my vacation. 307 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:24,104 That's how bad my real life is. 308 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,073 And I'm trying to get back with my ex. 309 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,575 He blocked me on his phone, and I am one diaper away 310 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,845 from being that crazy lady astronaut. 311 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,247 I never had the courage of putting myself out there. 312 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,449 I mean, romantically speaking. 313 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,019 I was on the Seal Team that killed Bin Laden. 314 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,055 I don't know. 315 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,456 I may look tough on the outside, 316 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,592 but underneath it all is a scared little girl 317 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,061 and a lot of homemade tattoos. 318 00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,964 Well, you clearly have good judgment. 319 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,233 Take a look at this video and tell me if this finger 320 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,202 looks like it's been in my boyfriend's mouth. 321 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,070 Hold on, let me grab my glasses! 322 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,139 Whoa, Becks! You wanna pick a lane? 323 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,074 We're currently in all three. 324 00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,943 Don't distract her from the video. 325 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,011 Hey-- 326 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,479 Oh, like this. 327 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,482 Enough talking. Show us your ass, white boy. 328 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,220 So sorry. 329 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,222 I didn't know the horn would be so loud, 330 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,090 but could you scooch? 331 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,959 Ooh, I wasn't driving? 332 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:23,230 Man, being a Seal really messed with my head. 333 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,265 I don't know why I didn't think of this before, 334 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,301 but my friend, Sloppy Joe, has a one-engine plane. 335 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,570 He might be able to fly y'all all the way to L.A. 336 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,305 I'm sorry, what? 337 00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:36,176 A messy sandwich is gonna fly us to L.A.? 338 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,378 Okay. 339 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,679 Sloppy was an old high school crush 340 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,248 I never had the guts to go for. 341 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,916 Man was a legend there. 342 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,018 He was a senior for nine years. 343 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,154 Thanks, Becky With the Good Hair. 344 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,156 And you'll find someone, I'm sure. 345 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,657 You just gotta go for it. 346 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,993 That's what she keeps telling me. 347 00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,194 I know, but she will. 348 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,003 I don't think we've formally met, Sloppy Joe. 349 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,671 I'm Caroline Channing. 350 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,174 They'll be reporting our deaths together. 351 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,409 You're on your own there. 352 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:13,013 They reported mine five years ago. 353 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:16,283 We're on a ghost plane? Awesome! 354 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,486 Just curious, will there be a beverage service? 355 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,421 You want some of my beer? 356 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:24,024 That's all right, you already spilled most of it on me. 357 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,426 I bet that's why they call him sloppy. 358 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,096 Nope, my landings are a mess. 359 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,565 Caroline, look at the bright side. 360 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,501 How? None of the lights work. 361 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,169 We're on our way to L.A., 362 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:39,072 and sloppy took Randy's voucher as payment. 363 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,441 And then rolled a nice, fat joint with it. 364 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,643 You bet I did. 365 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,313 -Whoa! -Ride the lightning! 366 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,348 Yee-haw! Do it back. 367 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,318 Let me hear you say, "Yee-haw!" 368 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,520 Yee-hawwww! 369 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,098 I'm just glad you found me. 370 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,100 I was about to build a hut for the night. 371 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,402 I thought you said you didn't pick up strange men. 372 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,104 I didn't. 373 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,541 Until a new friend convinced me I gotta take a chance. 374 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,113 How fast can this old rig go? 375 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:24,017 This old rig can go all night, baby. 376 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:27,387 Doesn't answer my question at all, 377 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,123 but let's do the damn thing. 378 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,634 This flight's a lot bumpier than I thought it was gonna be. 379 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,370 Speaking of bumps, 380 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:46,106 y'all don't have any blow, do you? 381 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,707 Yeah, that's what this flight needs, 382 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,143 a more jittery pilot. 383 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,444 -Wow. -Oh! 384 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,246 Randy just posted a new video. 385 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,382 Eh, buffer faster! 386 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,317 Ugh, do you get any bars up here? 387 00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,453 If I did, I wouldn't be asking you for cocaine. 388 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,257 Never mind, don't need it. 389 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,126 We're going down. 390 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,661 Going down? My least favorite expression. 391 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,064 And now I hate it even more. 392 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,133 At least in this version of going down 393 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,403 you don't have to spoon afterwards. 394 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:17,704 -Oh, my God! -Ah! 395 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,739 Caroline, amazing news. 396 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,308 You found parachutes? 397 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,476 Or that part of the wing that tore away? 398 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,278 Ha, oh, no, we're goners. 399 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:27,814 But Silver Linings Playbook, 400 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:31,184 that finger belonged to Randy's mom! 401 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,752 She's visiting him on set. 402 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,155 Ah, and she's not even that cute. 403 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:38,091 I am gonna be so mad at you in heaven. 404 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,692 You think I'm going to heaven? 405 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,095 She thinks I'm going to heaven. 406 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:47,700 Plane's too heavy. We gotta drop some weight. 407 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:51,571 I knew those curly fries at the truck stop were a mistake, 408 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,307 but they didn't offer a healthy alternative. 409 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,509 -Hold this. -What? Ohh! 410 00:17:56,543 --> 00:18:00,113 Hey, Sloppy, the sky is that way! 411 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,383 I like this, too. 412 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,319 This suitcase has gotta go. 413 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,720 No, all my clothes are in there. 414 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,722 All of our money! Our credit card! 415 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,724 There is no way that that one tiny suitcase 416 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,227 is causing all these problems with your plane. 417 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:25,238 Very well, perhaps I overpacked. 418 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,640 Beer me. 419 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,246 Pick up! 420 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,616 Unless that's a huge problem for you. 421 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,884 That's it. 422 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,153 I'm gonna tell you the same thing 423 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,821 that I told Pooters 424 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:46,359 when they added pants to the uniform. 425 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,561 I quit. 426 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,929 You quit? 427 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,232 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 428 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,234 You're fired. 429 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,935 Oh, yeah? 430 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,638 Yeah! 431 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,541 Have I been a bad waitress? 432 00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:06,746 The naughtiest. 433 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,553 Uh, they're not gonna have sex in a restaurant, are they? 434 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,922 Well, it wouldn't be the first time. 435 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:19,826 Hell, it wouldn't be the eighth time. 436 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,463 Pick up, Oleg. 437 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,865 Oh, yeah, man. This is happening. 438 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,938 And that's when I married my high school sweetheart. 439 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,741 Well, she was in high school. I was 38. 440 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,277 Another terrific story, Sloppy. 441 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,412 Almost makes me forget we have no money, 442 00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:42,549 no clothes, and we're getting zero mileage for this flight. 443 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,484 Silver Linings Playbook, though. 444 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,885 Little Randy update. 445 00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,754 Max, I don't care how expensive it is. 446 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,823 You are going to therapy when we get back. 447 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,592 Well, that's a wrap on the first day of filming 448 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,860 here in Austin, Texas. 449 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,295 Or as they say around these parts, 450 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,596 don't tess with Mexas. 451 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,864 Whoa. 452 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:01,868 Don't drink on a scorpion bite. 453 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,837 The man ain't wrong. 454 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,573 Wait, so Randy's not in Los Angeles? 455 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,974 He's in Texas. 456 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,977 Wow, you're a bad stalker, Max. 457 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,979 Sloppy, hang a Ralph or a Louie. 458 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,914 Whatever gets us to Texas. 459 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,250 Eh, there's two things that Slop won't do. 460 00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,619 Alert the proper authorities of my flight pattern 461 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,655 or step foot in Texas. 462 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,524 You need to make your own way there. 463 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,927 I'll drop you here. I gotta whiz anyway. 464 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,263 Ah! Drop us here? 465 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,999 Whiz? What does that mean? 466 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,001 Uh, I think it means I'm jumping out 467 00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,737 of another plane this month. 468 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:41,240 You know what? I miss the diner.